Every so often i get this urge to leave. This feeling that i need to get out of here or i'll explode hasn't happened in a while but today is one of those days when I miss living in Quito.
I miss my parents, my cousins, the culture, the food.. even the smell of it. My life is here...i know that. Doesn't stop me from wanting to sell all my shit and go home. New York is an awesome city, i was born here. i know how incredible it is. But it doesn't compare to being around my family.
I can't complain too much though..my sister and nephew live here so it's not as if i'm completely alone; but it still calls to me.
Thoughts like this make me hate myself for fucking up so badly when i was living there as a teenager. I just had to go and fuck it up...couldn't just be happy going to a nice expensive school. Couldn't just deal with the fact that although my parents weren't there..there would be rules. Idiot.
Now it's too late to make an easy transition. Now i'd have to worry about getting a job right away. My boyfriend...my cushy job.. my US student loans all keep me here and makes having these feeling all the more pathetic. It's not like i'm not happy...but i could so easily see myself there and that it makes having two places to call home feel like torture instead of the blessing of being multicultural.
Maybe it's just a bad day.. maybe i just need a vacation.. maybe going for just a week was a bad call. I should've stayed longer in order to give these longing feelings a chance to get suppressed.
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